Thursday, June 14, 2018

Stitched Together


a bright red and a subtle blue
dancing on the pallette
without a clue

one too blue and the other too red
too many unknowns
too many dreads

a soft brush pushes one to the other
a gentle mingle
behold, a beautiful purple

the red looks around
the blue searches too
can't find just one but always the two

a new blend, a new canvas
fluid but stitched together
red and blue

One step at a time --- the experience of my first, reluctant trek




The wild beckons
Like an elusive, magical enchantress
‘Mirage’, my heart whispers
I hush the restless murmur

I stare
Eyes climbing slowly to the top
‘Daunting’, my heart debates
‘One step at a time’, I counter

I feel
A shift, experiencing the elements anew
The mysterious expanse embracing me
My unsure heart uncannily silent in the odd comfort

I see
Old colors with many new
Pretty and dark and everything in between
Splashing on the forgotten canvas

I breathe
A strange fresh air filling my senses
The scents of the earth, familiar yet new
Unexpectedly settling, a heady calm

I hear
The wind humming, a stream gurgling somewhere
Twigs crack, leaves crush, a bird chirps
My heart thuds in tandem

I tread
Over grass and rock and water alike
Unintentionally liberating with every next stride
An altered power seizes, my heart sings

I am
One with no one, alive and thriving
Right here, in this moment
Feeling again, seeing again, hearing again, breathing again

One step at a time

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Joy


A little warmth wriggles out
Tickling the soul
Escapes curving lips
A delirious laugh

Surprised eyebrows rise
Supressing the urge
But tearing all confines
It twinkles in the kohl eyes

Little anklets ring
And little hands dance
Untamed it erupts
In soft gurgles

Wrinkles deepen
Knowing and wise
Slowly savouring the moment
It plays on hesitant lips

Unmoved grim lines
Attempt to deny
It coughs through the throat
And softens the eye

Unbridled, unashamed
A little boisterous, a little shy
Freeing itself from all shackles
Pure unadulterated joy


Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Magical Love


Do you see me?
Beyond my horizons
And beyond yours

Do you see me?
My skirmish, my yearning
Beneath the blanket of calm

Do you see me?
The smile cutting through the pain
The joy in my tears

Do you see me?
Stripped bare
Unadorned and exposed

Do you see me?
For me?
As me?

And still desire me?

Magical love!


Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Resurrection



i feel empty
unhooked from myself
away and removed

silent words
voiceless talks
try to stir inside me

an awakened slumber
drowns them all
i drift

it is a maze
i am finding my path
to a destination unknown

i feel nothing
i want nothing
but i still know

a ripple quivers
unguarded and divine
peace

i zoom out
the siesta ends
my daughter chuckles again


The equity equation


A talk on the eve of International Women's Day at office got me mulling over yet again on the idea of gender equity. Gender inequity surfaces in the most average of conversations, the most normal of circumstances which makes it even more difficult to deal with. More often than not, serious dialogue around it becomes so glamourized and extravagant that the glimmer of it all shadows the real lurking issue. I am not a feminist. I like to believe in the concept of equal opportunity for equal merit. Simple enough? Sometimes the seemingly simplest things are the most complexly construed. 

On a personal note, I was fortunate to have experienced a more or less egalitarian approach by my parents in the upbringing of my brother and me. In the previous statement, the phrase "more or less" weighs heavily, which prompted me to include it there. Like it belongs. Nonetheless, I can’t be thankful enough to my lovely parents for their efforts. I had seen my friends not having the same privileges as me sometimes. At times even a simple, but extremely important privilege like trust. It pained to see my friends' parents struggling with trust for their own child.

So, all looked good and hunky dory till I stepped out of school, into college. College was a whole new experience. You were on your own. Breaking out of your well spun cocoon, travelling to and from college on your own, going out, meeting new people and making new friends.

That was, I guess, one of the first brushes with the actual world, the real world. I must admit that the first 2-3 months of college messed up my head like no other. What seemed a given in our equal-ish world back home was suddenly denied to me. Without realization on my part, small talk slowly transformed to judgemental quizzing. I found myself explaining things which earlier required no explanation. These changes were not like a rock solid punch in the face. No. They were worse. Small niggling irritations which together caused a turmoil of emotions. I talked about a few things to one of my friends, asking her how she felt about it. But all I was rewarded with, was an expression that said, "Yeah, so? Tell me something I don’t know!"

It was then that it hit me. The conflict of emotions in me was a result of being nurtured in a certain kind of environment for years and then being suddenly exposed to quite a different one. My friend on the other hand took things in her stride since she did not experience any difference in her environment. This made me question the basis of my character. It made me question the reasons of my parents’ efforts in providing me with this kind of habitat. Astonishingly, it even made me think whether I would have been better off if I didn't have the kind of conditioning I had!

Now I realize that the confused, messed up state of mind made me question a lot of things. I realize today that such conflicts bring about a change. What kind of change? I guess the one your conscience feeds? Yes, I became extremely vulnerable at first, almost succumbing to the pressures. But I had seen the other side, my learning years had been strongly ingrained with a different thought process, so eventually it only made me more resilient.

Unfortunately, my story is not very old. I am told 30s is now the new 20s! 

I am a mother of an exuberant 7 year old daughter today. In my capacity, I fervently try, in subtle ways, to practice and emphasize the equal ground that she stands on with any of the boys. I try hard to nudge her into making her choices, not because she needs to but because she wants to. I try hard to make her think about her decisions and choices. I try. A colossal challenge I face is not germinating  her mind with thoughts, say about equality, until she herself sees and identifies inequality and questions it. I feel it is so very important that the strength of my efforts do not translate into forced thoughts. I am trying to do my part. I am trying to gift her, her very own conflict.

Things definitely look better today. But then I see Kinder Joy (a popular chocolate for kids with a surprise toy) flaunting ‘For Boys’ and ‘For Girls’ tags on it. My daughter explains that the ‘For Girls’ has fairies and the ‘For Boys’ has superheroes. I visibly cringe and the niggling thoughts are back. When my daughter is given options in school for a Christmas gift among Barbie dolls, a tiara as opposed to the race car that she actually wants, the conflicts start again in my head.

We have a long way to go. It seems better today when I look back to a yesterday, so I guess we are getting there!


Tuesday, August 12, 2014

The Angel


A piece that I wrote for my darling cousin's wedding card, on behalf of her parents:

she fluttered her eyes open, looked up at us
our little angel, enchanting and divine
it was a special day

it was a new world
unspoken without her chuckles,
incomplete without the sound of her anklets

today she looks up at us, we see the maiden
her kohl eyes, a new glint
her anklets, a new ring

it is a special day